bee fear

Hi friends,

Oops!  I missed yesterday completely!  Very interesting how that happened.  Yesterday was generally a rotten day.

This past weekend while we were in Houston, Mallika started saying repeatedly, "I don't like Grandma and Grandpa's house.  I don't like it.  I don't like it."  Not surprisingly, this got her parents' attention.  I asked her some very open-ended questions and figured out that an experience some weeks ago is still troubling the little tyke.  When she is at her grandparents' house, she takes her nap on their bed in a very sweet little set-up of pillows, blankets, and dolls (and sometimes a pooped-out adult too).  Mid-nap one day, she was awakened by a bee that had gotten into the house and was buzzing noisily.  No sting, no fuss from Grandma, nada except something new and unexpected.  Apparently, though, something about it frightened or disturbed Mallika such that, all this time later, she is saying she doesn't like her grandparents' house.

We talked to her about her fear and about bees, but didn't say anything to her grandparents.  However, yesterday she was over there in the afternoon and had a hard time going to sleep and woke up a short time later and definitely before she was rested.  I didn't even really think about it, but when I was giving her a bath last night, I asked why she had such a short nap.  The answer?  "the bee."  Oh!!!  Of course!!!  Silly Amma!!!  So I called my parents, told them about the situation, and suggested that they make a little sleeping place for her in a different room.  My mom commented, "Well, it nearly broke my heart today when she came into my music room when she woke up and said, 'I want to go home.'"  I suggested that the bee memory was probably the reason why.  And today my dad set up a cute little bed on the floor with her blanket and a new book they got for her.  And my mom even covered up the electrical outlets on the wall next to the bed.  Thanks, Mom.

We'll see how things go.

Mostly, this has all been such fodder for reflection for me.  Mallika is rarely scared of anything -- fire and sirens being a couple exceptions -- and this is a first experience that I'm aware of of her being scared of something and that fear hanging around beyond the moment of experience.  But also, I'm calling it fear, and maybe it's not.  After all, a two-year old has a relatively limited vocabulary.  Fear or not, however, I have been so aware of my own reactions.  In many moments I have had the impulse to brush things off -- "oh, it's nothing" or "she'll get over it" or "it's no big deal".  And I've also thought, "she just needs to tough it out and deal with it" and variations thereof.  Initially, when she said she didn't like her grandparents' house, I also got panicky -- "why?! did something bad happen there?!"  Being present to and with a young person is just so instructive.  Here is a "dislike", here is an experience, here is a fear.  The child tells someone that she trusts.  The trusted person does something with what she hears.  And there are a lot of options for that "something" to be all kinds of things that reflect our adult conditioning.

That's why I like Mallika being in my life every day.  I learn so much how to be more human by being with her.

Peace,
Briana