books

Hi there,

OK, I'm ditching the working parents topic.  Too burdensome, no fun, and no energy today to pursue it.  Suffice to say that we're in a particular moment where the burden of having kids and earning a living falls almost entirely to individual parents and to the individuals who love and support them.  One sentence is all this subject gets today.

Much more fun and exciting is that Mohan, Mallika, and I visited the CHILDREN'S section of the Perry-Castaneda Library today!  PCL is a humongous library at UT Austin and has a stupendous collection of books -- one of the best in the country.  It's across the street from my office, and less than ten minutes walk from our apartment.  But until today, I never knew they had children's books.  Not only that, but they have children's books from around the world.  So very exciting!

At lunchtime, I ate my chicken curry, rice, and saag while listening to Mohan read "Under the Banyan Tree -- A Tale from Tamil Nadu" to Mallika.  Even the very beginning was so wonderous.  Muthu and Selvi live in a banyan tree with their eleven children -- Muthu writes plays and Selvi cleans houses.  Whenever Muthu earns a little money, someone borrows it. 

What a radically different and stupendous start for a children's book than what we get in the US!  And it continues throughout the whole story.  The rich people don't turn out to be good, the poor people don't get rich (but they do get fed), good fortune gets shared liberally, the common sense of the public is wrong, and the helpful spirits get acknowledged and thanked.  What a relief to read a story with a different milieu!

My sense is that a lot of people in the US, even people of color, don't get what all the hullaballoo is with the multiculti stuff for kids.  Everyone is always (or usually) happy to sing songs, share "ethnic costumes", and, of course, eat "exotic" food.  But when it's inconvenient or definitely when it challenges the status quo, things can get very hairy super fast.

When I was listening to Mohan read this story to Mallika, it felt like: here is another world, a differently oriented world, a world that is also hers, a world to enjoy and participate in.  When there aren't books -- or food or smells or people or customs or languages or communities or institutions or music or movies -- that are available to people, these other worlds just wither, fade, and die out from being part of our existence.

In the book, there was a bit about how the tree spirits came and oiled the children's hair and gave them crisp, new clothes.  Mohan added in an editorial comment that the children's mother didn't make them wash the oil out of their hair in less than 24 hours.  Fair enough, that comment.  Putting oil -- coconut or olive -- in your hair is a very old and very beautiful south Asian custom and something that Mohan does for Mallika on a regular basis.  For me, who grew up with very fine, very oily hair, and who always felt kind-of white-trashy about it, as well as without this particular tradition of hair care, I have a difficult time liking the way Mallika's hair looks when it has a lot of oil in it.  I've suggested to Mohan that this practice makes more sense for people who have thick, dry, or curly hair hair.  But that doesn't mean it makes no sense for Mallika whose hair is thin, occasionally dry, and only vaguely wavy.  It does, however, mean that it's a point of tension, even if that tension mostly is able to stay in check.

I realize that all parents have tensions about their kids -- one parent likes the frilly pink stuff, the other wants bold colors and sneakers; one parent thinks a strict bedtime is crucial, the other finds it oppressive and unpleasant.  All of these kinds of things are normal and all of them create tension, and much of it is healthy tension.  But in a mixed relationship, I find that these tensions arise a lot around "cultural" practices and when the dynmic is white/non-white, it's very easy for the white to reign supreme.  That's what I understand white supremacy to mean and it's not something I want to practice in my house with my child.  So, though it's not fully and easily resolved, Mohan oils Mallika's hair, I actively work on liking how it looks, and focus on how much love and pride goes into this papa/daughter ritual.

Peace,
Briana